There’s a theme in the professional services world that clients understand their problems, but they rarely propose the right solutions. That might be a bit harsh, but there’s probably some truth to it. If you’re not an expert in a solution, then how would you recognize that it apples to your problems?
If all you have is a hammer, then everything begins to look like a nail. If you’ve never seen a hammer, then I bet nothing looks like a nail.
Anyway, a failing that I’ve exhibited as a husband is talking to my wife about something I want to change after I’ve come up with a solution to whatever the perceived problem is. This falls flat for a few reasons:
- Suppose that all cows are perfect spheres, that my view that something is a problem is 100% correct, and that my proposed solution is also 100% correct. That’s a lot of supposin’. By starting at the end, I haven’t brought my wife along for the same journey. How can I reasonably expect her to buy in to the solution?
- In the first of the two more likely scenarios (because I’m a human with biases like all humans), things that I perceive as problems may not actually be problems. By jumping to a solution, I’ve short-circuited establishing agreement on what the current state of the world is. If we don’t agree on the current state of the world, no solution that either of us comes up with will make sense to the other.
- And then supposing I got lucky and recognized something that is a problem, by jumping to a solution, I’ve prematurely shut off exploration of the solution space. And it’s not just that getting someone out of solution mode is difficult, it’s that our minds are now focused on this one particular avenue. Humans struggle to think outside the box, and I’ve essentially made a steel box that I put a padlock on.
And, of course, all those ignore that a marriage is supposed to operate more like a partnership than it does like a couple of independent consultants.
Sometimes urgency will dictate that action must be taken quickly. When you’re having an annual checkup with a physician, you have the time to discuss treatment options. When your leg is hemorrhaging, you probably just rely on the doctor’s proposed solutions and do what you can to optimize them. Hopefully, most of our conversations aren’t starting at that point.
In a professional setting, when we’re discussing potential change, it’s probably good to establish the rules of engagement up front and make it clear what we’re doing.
Are we talking problems or solutions?
